Things Not to Say to a Police Officer

Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy.

Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me!  Good job!

That uniform makes your ass look really big.

Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated?

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

You don’t happen to have any beer in your car?

I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad Cop! No Donut!

Your not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

Did you happen to attend the “Barney Fife” Police Academy?

Didn’t I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s nightstand.

When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the camcorder.

I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket!

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take, or what?

Those sirens are hurting my ears.  Turn them off or I am not speaking to you.

So what if I was speeding?  Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?

Gee, Officer, that’s terrific!  The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

Do you know why you pulled me over?  Okay, just so one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with traffic.  Yes, I know there is no other car around, that’s how far they are ahead of me.

So, are you still cwabby because your mommy didn’t let you pway with your whittle gun when you were whittle?

Sorry I can’t hear you over the radio. No, I am not turning it down. I love this song. Either speak up, or just leave me alone.

What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?”  You’re the trained specialist.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Hey, man, you want a hit?

Hey is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?