Long IM between US

Session Start (oddnew:Rebecca K.): Mon Sep 29 14:50:20 2003
[14:50:21] OddNew: ugh
[14:50:26] Rebecca K.: hi
[14:50:37] OddNew: what do you hate?
[14:50:48] Rebecca K.: people who ignore me on aim
[14:51:04] OddNew: what if they are playing a game, and not really ignoring you?
[14:52:09] Rebecca K.: then an away message is helpful
[14:52:41] OddNew: maybe I had signed off
[14:52:47] OddNew: and got signed back on
[14:52:53] OddNew: Idid
[14:53:11] Rebecca K.: how did you get signed off and then signed back on
[14:53:23] OddNew: auto reconnect
[14:53:35] OddNew: I moved my laptop, therefor dropping the wireless
[14:53:45] Rebecca K.: i thought you didnt have an internet connection at the jansen house
[14:54:08] OddNew: who said I was at the Jansen house? and it’s Janzen
[14:54:38] Rebecca K.: i know people and that is the house on spring street
[14:54:54] Rebecca K.: and i know people
[14:55:02] OddNew: so?
[14:55:07] OddNew: what’s your point?
[14:55:20] Rebecca K.: that means that you are back there
[14:55:24] OddNew: nope
[14:55:27] OddNew: sorry wrong
[14:55:31] OddNew: I am not there
[14:56:08] Rebecca K.: then where are you cuz you’re not back on campus
[14:56:30] OddNew: need to know info
[14:57:11] Rebecca K.: i cna find out
[14:57:17] OddNew: no you can’t
[14:57:30] OddNew: only 1 or 2 people know
[14:57:40] Rebecca K.: and i know them
[14:57:57] OddNew: so
[14:58:00] OddNew: they won’t tell you
[14:58:01] Rebecca K.: there are ways to find things out about you
[14:58:18] OddNew: stalking is illegal in ALL 50 states and terrtories
[14:59:00] Rebecca K.: yeah but people know things
[14:59:18] OddNew: only 3 people know the whole sutiiontion
[14:59:22] OddNew: and I have there trust
[14:59:25] Rebecca K.: this campus is small so things get around
[14:59:42] OddNew: big deal
[14:59:47] Rebecca K.: what situation
[14:59:50] OddNew: things do get around
[14:59:56] Rebecca K.: why dont oyu want people to know where you live
[15:00:30] OddNew: bc it ain’t none of there damn business, and last time I told some one where I was leaving, I got dumped
[15:00:57] Rebecca K.: it was becaus eoyu are happy being a bum
[15:01:10] OddNew: I’m not a bum
[15:01:33] Rebecca K.: why arent you graduating in december
[15:02:01] Rebecca K.: you’re right you are not a bum but you are happy not working
[15:02:09] OddNew: big deal
[15:02:13] OddNew: I don’t need to work
[15:02:27] Rebecca K.: exactly you would rather be homeless then a bum
[15:02:33] Rebecca K.: then working
[15:03:22] OddNew: I don’t see you with an apartment
[15:03:38] Rebecca K.: what does that have to do with anything
[15:03:53] OddNew: I don’t have an apartment
[15:03:57] OddNew: we are the same
[15:04:20] Rebecca K.: no we are not, i wouldnt choose to be homeless then working
[15:04:48] OddNew: I was working
[15:05:16] Rebecca K.: i would work enough so that i could have a place of my own
[15:05:54] OddNew: ok
[15:05:56] OddNew: big deal
[15:06:12] OddNew: I like NASCAR
[15:06:48] Rebecca K.: if you got married you would be ok with living in a homeless shelter
[15:06:56] OddNew: NO
[15:07:04] Rebecca K.: its the same thing
[15:07:09] OddNew: but I ain’t married
[15:07:37] Rebecca K.: whats the difference of living by yourself in a shelter or with someone else
[15:08:13] OddNew: bc if you are married you are supposed to be able to provide a lifestyle for yourself and wife/husband
[15:08:26] OddNew: and I didn’t have anywere elese to go
[15:08:44] Rebecca K.: when you are married where will you go then
[15:08:47] OddNew: it was for 3 losuy weeks
[15:08:53] OddNew: will I go where?
[15:09:34] Rebecca K.: its hard to provide a lifestyle for 2 people it entails work
[15:09:46] OddNew: I know
[15:09:51] OddNew: what’s yoru point
[15:09:52] Rebecca K.: and you could have stayed with your friend up here
[15:09:57] OddNew: nope
[15:10:03] Rebecca K.: y not
[15:10:10] Rebecca K.: ive stayed with my friends
[15:10:33] Rebecca K.: you dont like to work therefore htere wont be much of a lifestyle
[15:10:48] OddNew: I don’t like to work if I don’t have to
[15:10:56] OddNew: and I don’t have to right now
[15:11:15] OddNew: you don’t have to shave your beard
[15:11:18] OddNew: so you don’t
[15:11:23] Rebecca K.: i dont like to work either but to have the lifestyle i want i need to work
[15:11:35] OddNew: well I am happy with my lifestyle
[15:11:42] OddNew: you don’t ever hear me complaining
[15:11:54] OddNew: I am done talking about this issue
[15:12:01] Rebecca K.: you complain all the time that oyu dont like your life
[15:12:36] OddNew: when was the last time I complained?
[15:12:43] Rebecca K.: a week ago
[15:12:51] OddNew: what did I say?
[15:13:06] Rebecca K.: that you have no one and you dont like your life
[15:13:09] OddNew: well you complain so I suppose thaqt makes you unhappy
[15:13:19] OddNew: well I don’t
[15:13:28] OddNew: no one can grow me a mommy and daddy
[15:13:29] Rebecca K.: when do i complain
[15:13:37] OddNew: you complained early today
[15:13:42] OddNew: I HATE when you do this
[15:13:44] Rebecca K.: i dont have a mommy or daddy either and im dealing with it
[15:14:01] OddNew: well people deal with things differently
[15:14:11] OddNew: and you are NOT in the same situation as me
[15:14:24] OddNew: Who did you stay with this summer?
[15:14:28] Rebecca K.: yes i am, i dont hav eparents wither, i dont have a family either
[15:14:43] OddNew: Who are you going to stay with over semester break?
[15:14:51] Rebecca K.: friends mostly
[15:14:58] OddNew: bullshit
[15:15:04] OddNew: you stayed with your grandma
[15:15:08] OddNew: GRANDMA
[15:15:13] OddNew: sounds like family to me
[15:15:25] Rebecca K.: so what, you could have been close to your foster family but you choose not to
[15:15:36] OddNew: foster family is differnt
[15:15:46] Rebecca K.: how so, they love you
[15:15:47] OddNew: you don’t understand
[15:16:15] Rebecca K.: why dont i understand, i know many people who were in foster families
[15:16:24] OddNew: were you in foster care?
[15:16:31] Rebecca K.: yes
[15:16:32] OddNew: you don’t know what it is
[15:16:39] Rebecca K.: then what is it
[15:16:53] OddNew: it’s having no one to go home to
[15:17:05] OddNew: No one to spend the summer/holidays with that you care abvout
[15:17:17] OddNew: It’s being all alone for years
[15:17:18] Rebecca K.: why dont you care about your foster samily
[15:17:39] OddNew: it’s having to stay at a mission for 3 weeks
[15:17:55] OddNew: it’s having to stay in a small room bc that’s allo you can afford
[15:18:02] OddNew: It’s having no one to cry to
[15:18:02] Rebecca K.: if your foster family raised oyu then why cna’t you stay with them
[15:18:17] OddNew: It’s not having a friggen birthday present
[15:18:22] Rebecca K.: i have never seen you cry
[15:18:43] OddNew: It’s not being able to celebrate you hs graduation
[15:19:07] Rebecca K.: why didnt you care about your foster family
[15:19:30] OddNew: It’s not having any true friends for longedr than 2 years
[15:19:39] OddNew: It’s being ashamed of where you came from
[15:19:44] Rebecca K.: then why dont you keep ypur frineds
[15:19:46] OddNew: It’s having nothing
[15:19:53] OddNew: friends aren’t family
[15:20:08] Rebecca K.: thats true
[15:20:12] Rebecca K.: but mine are close to it
[15:20:38] OddNew: but its not it
[15:21:07] Rebecca K.: you never answered my question
[15:21:29] OddNew: bc they still have foster children
[15:21:41] Rebecca K.: what does that have ot do with anything
[15:21:41] OddNew: and I can’t just go crash there for 3 weeks
[15:22:27] OddNew: It’s havign the only person you ever cared about dump you bc you have no where else to go but the mission
[15:23:08] Rebecca K.: im sorry about that, people make mistakes
[15:23:26] OddNew: I know
[15:24:41] Rebecca K.: you’ve made mistakes too
[15:24:48] OddNew: I know
[15:24:55] OddNew: I am only human
[15:25:37] Rebecca K.: right
[15:25:43] OddNew: I ain’t even mad at you even though I have all the right too
[15:26:15] Rebecca K.: thats good
[15:26:20] OddNew: no
[15:26:51] Rebecca K.: why not
[15:27:26] OddNew: bc I cared about you and ‘I think’ you cared about me
[15:27:38] OddNew: and something as small as that came between us
[15:27:56] Rebecca K.: i told you i made a mistake
[15:28:04] OddNew: I know that
[15:28:14] OddNew: I accepted that along time ago
[15:28:30] OddNew: doesn’t take the pain away
[15:28:53] Rebecca K.: i know
[15:33:44] Rebecca K.: it wa snot just that though
[15:34:20] OddNew: I find that too hard to beleive
[15:34:26] Rebecca K.: why
[15:34:33] OddNew: and no reason is gonna take away the pain
[15:34:35] Rebecca K.: think about how you had treated me
[15:34:52] OddNew: bc if I was such a bad boyfriend you would have dumped me or taken me up on my offer to leave
[15:36:17] OddNew: it really doesn’t matter anymore
[15:41:12] OddNew: I’m not coming down
[15:41:17] Rebecca K.: if you didnt wna tme to leave you shouldn’t have given me the offer
[15:42:56] OddNew: doesn’t matter now
[15:43:03] Rebecca K.: yes it does
[15:43:08] OddNew: why/.
[15:43:18] Rebecca K.: because
[15:43:35] OddNew: you don’t have a boyfriend, and we can get back together?
[15:44:17] Rebecca K.: i can’t discuss this
[15:44:30] OddNew: I know how hard this may be
[15:44:43] OddNew: but avoiding is not going to make it go away
[15:44:53] Rebecca K.: im not avoiding anything
[15:45:05] OddNew: I been avoiding my problem for 3 years
[15:45:11] OddNew: Well why can’t you discuss it
[15:45:15] Rebecca K.: what problem
[15:45:23] OddNew: lack of a family
[15:45:54] Rebecca K.: i don’t want to discuss my personal life right ow
[15:45:56] Rebecca K.: now
[15:46:11] OddNew: then how is that nto avoiding it?
[15:46:39] OddNew: it’s either what I said or it’s not
[15:46:43] Rebecca K.: besides oyu don’t want to get back togehter with me anyway
[15:47:00] OddNew: did I say that?
[15:47:07] Rebecca K.: no
[15:49:14] OddNew: well than don’t assume that
[15:49:33] Rebecca K.: but we can’t get married and that’s what oyu want and i think that we are too different
[15:50:12] OddNew: we have more stuff alike than we do differently
[15:50:19] Rebecca K.: such as
[15:50:34] OddNew: both have a tough time expressing emotions
[15:50:48] OddNew: both don’t have a close family
[15:50:48] Rebecca K.: i can express my emotions without difficulty
[15:50:56] OddNew: no you can’t
[15:51:03] Rebecca K.: why do you say i cnat
[15:51:12] OddNew: bc you can’t
[15:51:16] Rebecca K.: yes i can
[15:51:24] OddNew: Do you remember when I first asked you out
[15:51:34] Rebecca K.: yes, and
[15:51:46] OddNew: it took you awhile to say yes
[15:52:10] OddNew: it took me leaving and saying I never wanted to talk to you again to get you to say you loved me in Feburary
[15:52:13] Rebecca K.: not that long and thats becuase at first i wasnt sure that i wanted to go out with you
[15:52:44] OddNew: and you don’t want to discuss your personal life today
[15:52:50] Rebecca K.: and the fact that you did that proves that you were a jerk
[15:52:58] OddNew: that was not my intent
[15:53:07] Rebecca K.: what was your intent
[15:53:14] OddNew: I was expecting to end our relationship
[15:53:24] OddNew: bc we were not dating at the time
[15:53:30] Rebecca K.: why owuld you dothat if you loved me
[15:53:44] Rebecca K.: so what if we weren’t dating
[15:53:47] OddNew: bc I didn’t think you loved me
[15:54:01] OddNew: I don’t talk to Stepahnei
[15:54:05] Rebecca K.: then what would have been the problem with just fwb
[15:54:17] Rebecca K.: why dont you talk to her
[15:54:21] OddNew: bc there were no benefits
[15:54:36] Rebecca K.: sexual relations a cuddle buddy
[15:54:38] OddNew: and neither one of us intended to have sex
[15:54:46] Rebecca K.: you did
[15:54:57] Rebecca K.: you brought ove condoms and everything
[15:55:03] OddNew: so
[15:55:16] Rebecca K.: condoms means you wanted to have sex
[15:55:24] OddNew: not necessarily
[15:55:33] Rebecca K.: then why did you bring them
[15:55:33] OddNew: it doesn’t matter any more
[15:55:47] Rebecca K.: yes it does
[15:55:51] OddNew: why?
[15:56:01] Rebecca K.: because it shows me your intent
[15:56:17] Rebecca K.: i want to know why you brought the condoms if you didnt intend on having sex
[15:56:25] OddNew: bc I just had them
[15:56:34] Rebecca K.: and i asked you a few times if i wanted to have sex would you and you said yes
[15:56:47] OddNew: but you never did
[15:57:07] Rebecca K.: but if i said i wanted to, you would
[15:57:08] OddNew: and ZI didn’t either
[15:57:20] OddNew: I want $15 million
[15:57:24] OddNew: I ain’t getting it
[15:57:36] Rebecca K.: you never said that you wanted to becuase you knew that i didnt want to
[15:57:44] OddNew: exately
[15:57:54] Rebecca K.: even though you clearly wnated to
[15:58:16] OddNew: Does it matter today?
[15:58:20] Rebecca K.: yes
[15:58:26] OddNew: why?
[15:58:30] Rebecca K.: because
[15:59:15] OddNew: neither one of us was going to have sex with each other at the time
[15:59:23] OddNew: No matter what the other person wanted
[15:59:55] OddNew: you weren’t ready, and I was being a gentleman
[16:01:01] Rebecca K.: but if i wanted to, you would have
[16:01:12] OddNew: no
[16:02:04] Rebecca K.: if i said i was ready
[16:02:13] OddNew: nope
[16:02:36] OddNew: It doesn’t matter anymore
[16:02:42] Rebecca K.: ok, fine
[16:02:45] OddNew: We didn’t have sex
[16:02:52] Rebecca K.: we came close
[16:02:56] OddNew: You still have you honor and so do I
[16:03:00] Rebecca K.: ok
[16:03:10] Rebecca K.: you lost your honor at 11
[16:03:16] OddNew: nope
[16:03:19] Rebecca K.: ok
[16:03:45] OddNew: I know that I have enough will power to give up something I enjoy for my girlfriend
[16:04:04] OddNew: I don’t feel bad when I tell people we didn’t have sex
[16:04:17] Rebecca K.: who are you telling
[16:04:39] OddNew: whoever
[16:04:47] OddNew: When I talk about my ex
[16:04:55] OddNew: and they ask
[16:05:09] Rebecca K.: why do people ask if we’ve have sex it’s none of their business
[16:05:58] OddNew: It’s a good thing to tell them that
[16:06:02] Rebecca K.: why
[16:06:13] Rebecca K.: i think i will if i ever see them
[16:06:17] Rebecca K.: you should tell them
[16:06:23] OddNew: why?
[16:06:33] OddNew: I am not going to lie for no benefit
[16:06:36] Rebecca K.: i dont want people to know weather or not ive had sex
[16:07:10] OddNew: If I was a virgin I would be proud
[16:07:16] OddNew: I’m not and still proud
[16:07:32] Rebecca K.: i am proud
[16:07:45] Rebecca K.: im saving it for the right person should he come along
[16:07:46] OddNew: I don’t want to talk about us(or lack there of0
[16:12:11] OddNew: why is this so difficult?
[16:13:15] Rebecca K.: why is what so difficult
[16:13:49] OddNew: our crappy relationship
[16:14:48] Rebecca K.: elaborate please
[16:15:26] OddNew: it is so diffucult for me to talk or assoiate with you because I want to be with you
[16:15:32] OddNew: and I can’t
[16:15:42] OddNew: but I don’t want to be yoru friend either
[16:15:52] OddNew: or just yoru friend
[16:16:38] Rebecca K.: we need to be friends, we cant be more than that now
[16:16:50] OddNew: we don’t need to be friends
[16:16:56] Rebecca K.: wtime will tell what is meant to be
[16:16:58] OddNew: I don’t want that
[16:17:27] OddNew: Nothings going to happen in the future
[16:17:32] OddNew: You already decided that
[16:18:15] Rebecca K.: not neccessarily
[16:18:21] Rebecca K.: dont assume stuff
[16:18:25] OddNew: I’m not
[16:18:42] OddNew: You have confirmed on 3 diffent oacassions you have a boyfriend
[16:18:53] OddNew: I believe what you say
[16:19:36] Rebecca K.: why do you ask imay not want to discuss that with you
[16:20:03] OddNew: would you dump him if I asked you
[16:20:48] OddNew: if the answer to that is no we have a BIG problem, don’t we?
[16:21:05] OddNew: If the answer is yes you and him have3 a BIG problem
[16:21:33] Rebecca K.: i really dont want to discuss this aspect of my life with you
[16:22:03] OddNew: not much else to talk about then
[16:22:14] OddNew: I can’t just be friends
[16:22:18] OddNew: for now
[16:22:26] OddNew: and likely not in the near future
[16:23:18] Rebecca K.: i like you too but all i cna handle is friendship
[16:23:40] OddNew: well than we don’t need to be friends
[16:25:51] Rebecca K.: yes we do
[16:26:08] OddNew: no
[16:26:16] OddNew: I don’t want to be just friends
[16:26:23] OddNew: you need to understand that
[16:27:05] Rebecca K.: why does it need to be all or nothing
[16:27:06] OddNew: What I am going though is not going to get easier
[16:27:12] OddNew: bc that’s what I want
[16:27:20] OddNew: I have enough friends
[16:27:35] Rebecca K.: no oyu dont
[16:27:41] OddNew: yes
[16:27:47] Rebecca K.: what i am going through is not going to ge tan easier either
[16:28:16] OddNew: well than no reason to add to our list of problems then
[16:29:56] Rebecca K.: vernon, if you’re here for the year you are bound to run into me sooner or later
[16:30:04] OddNew: so
[16:30:12] OddNew: I saw you twice last week
[16:30:17] OddNew: no big deal
[16:30:24] OddNew: I am bound to get a job
[16:30:31] Rebecca K.: then we need to move past this and act our age instead of like 3rd graders
[16:30:43] OddNew: my point exately
[16:30:49] OddNew: I said all i have to say
[16:30:53] Rebecca K.: then we should be friends
[16:31:00] OddNew: no
[16:31:10] Rebecca K.: ill join catpack and oyu’ll really need to talk to me
[16:31:14] OddNew: no
[16:31:21] Rebecca K.: what else are you going to do
[16:31:27] OddNew: ignore you
[16:31:34] OddNew: ot quit catpacvk
[16:31:45] Rebecca K.: whatever, that shows immaturity
[16:31:50] OddNew: no
[16:32:00] OddNew: You made you chocie
[16:32:11] OddNew: I am not friends with Katie, it’s not a problem
[16:32:21] OddNew: I am not friends with Jim, it’s not a problem
[16:32:32] OddNew: I am not friends with Victoria, it’s not a problem
[16:32:40] OddNew: I am not friends with Benny, it’s nto a problem
[16:33:01] Rebecca K.: i did not make a friggen choice
[16:33:08] OddNew: yes you did
[16:33:31] OddNew: I explicity remember you saying no I can not marry you because I am too young
[16:33:56] Rebecca K.: its true, i need to finish school
[16:34:06] OddNew: well than you made a chocie
[16:34:41] Rebecca K.: i need to graduate and make something of myself otherwise what kind of job can i get?
[16:35:12] OddNew: Are you saying you can’t do that when you are married?
[16:35:32] Rebecca K.: not in nebraska, i wnat tostay here
[16:36:48] OddNew: well than you made a choice
[16:36:56] OddNew: You said no to my marriage proposal
[16:37:11] Rebecca K.: that was not a proposal, i didnt see a ring
[16:37:32] OddNew: oh it was a proposal
[16:37:42] OddNew: and you said no
[16:38:42] Rebecca K.: a proposal over the internet is not a proposal’
[16:39:11] OddNew: I asked you in person
[16:39:50] Rebecca K.: without a ring or stability after marriage or anything like that is not marriage proposal you only proposed because you are afraid of being alone
[16:40:25] OddNew: why are you pushing this?
[16:40:44] Rebecca K.: im not pushing anything
[16:40:53] OddNew: me and Nadja are not friends
[16:40:56] OddNew: both of us are happy
[16:41:16] Rebecca K.: thats because she thougtht that you were mean
[16:41:22] OddNew: I am
[16:41:44] OddNew: and the simple fact that I don’t even know her
[16:41:48] OddNew: Or want to know her
[16:42:04] Rebecca K.: you want me to marry someone who is mean, thats not cool
[16:42:13] OddNew: no I don’t
[16:42:24] OddNew: I don’t want anything from you
[16:42:32] Rebecca K.: then why should i have married a self proclaimed meanie
[16:42:49] OddNew: because you loved that self proclaimed meanie
[16:43:19] Rebecca K.: yeah but over the summer i realized that i needed someone who would treat me and my friends with respect
[16:43:25] OddNew: ok
[16:43:30] OddNew: well than leave me alone
[16:43:35] Rebecca K.: i dont wnat ot
[16:43:48] OddNew: you just said you do
[16:43:59] Rebecca K.: i dont recall that
[16:44:26] OddNew: yeah but over the summer i realized that i needed someone who would treat me and my friends with respect
[16:43:25] OddNew: ok
[16:44:39] Rebecca K.: that doesnt mean that i wnat to leave you alone
[16:44:48] OddNew: what does it mean
[16:44:52] Rebecca K.: i just need to be in a relationship with a caring individual
[16:45:07] OddNew: do I meet those requirements?
[16:45:30] Rebecca K.: no because you dont treat me with the respect that i deserve
[16:45:39] OddNew: well than leave me alone
[16:45:45] Rebecca K.: nope
[16:45:46] *** “Rebecca K.” signed off at Mon Sep 29 16:45:46 2003.
Session Close (Rebecca K.): Mon Sep 29 16:45:48 2003

Session Start (oddnew:Rebecca K.): Mon Sep 29 16:47:49 2003
[16:47:56] OddNew: if you want respect you need to give it to
[16:48:13] Rebecca K.: i do give respect
[16:48:31] OddNew: well than you will leave me alone
[16:48:55] Rebecca K.: but why?
[16:49:09] OddNew: bc I can’t handle being just friends\
[16:49:14] OddNew: it’s not that hard to understand
[16:49:46] Rebecca K.: why cnat you handle it
[16:50:01] OddNew: do you not understand
[16:50:10] OddNew: I STILL LOVE YOU
[16:50:17] OddNew: YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND
[16:51:17] Rebecca K.: if i didnt have a boyfriend could we be friends
[16:51:25] OddNew: NOPE
[16:51:34] Rebecca K.: why not, then things would be differen
[16:51:36] OddNew: UNLESS YOU WANTED TO GO OUT With ME
[16:52:14] Rebecca K.: i dumped you twice, why would you want to go back out with me
[16:52:49] OddNew: YOU MADE A MISTAKE
[16:53:04] Rebecca K.: yeah and i want to be frineds
[16:53:16] OddNew: TOO BAD\
[16:53:29] OddNew: I WANT $15 MILLION
Session Close (Rebecca K.): Mon Sep 29 16:57:32 2003

I am so freaking torn about what to do